The Slasher Movie Encyclopedia: Friday The 13th Part 3, Redux

Greetings, all.

Happy Friday The 13th, buckshots. You know, it's funny, I've owned the franchise, whether it be VHS or DVD for 15 years or so now, but I still get stoked when I see them on TV. I know, weird. It also bugs me when I don't see them playing on TV when it's a Friday The 13th. I mean, c'mon, 20 years ago, no way that would fly. USA or TBS would always air a few of the films, and that's how a lot of us were exposed to it. Good times.

Well, before we get to the action, I wanted to let you guys know that my e-book, The Slasher Movie Encyclopedia: My Summer Vacation At Camp Crystal Lake will be available this Monday. It's a collection of all the entries that I've done here at the website over the last couple years, along with a few new pieces. I talk about how I came upon the franchise, along with a few Top 3 articles, such as my Top 3 Favorite: Jason's Face Reveals, Way Jason Is Killed, as well as my personal ranking of the films. It's gonna run you fine folks a cool $2. All you'll have to do is email me, lemme know you'd like one, I'll give you the email for my Pay Pal Account, and then I send it your way. I was going to go through Amazon, as I've done that before with other e-books, but I wasn't a fan of the whole system. This way is simpler, and I don't have to share any of the big bucks with Amazon. Feel free to start emailing me at caliberw@hotmail.com if you'd like one. You won't have to pay until I finish the book and can send it immediately, which will be be Monday. However, the first people to email me will be the first ones to get it. Just letting you know if you're interested.

Alright, let's head to the 3rd dimension.

The early 80′s saw a resurgence in 3D horror. Both the Jaws & Amityville franchises headed to the 3rd dimension. However, the only film that’s stood the test of time, and has kicked ass in both the 3rd and 2nd dimension is Friday The 13th Part 3D. Steve Miner is back to direct as we pick up right where his previous film left off. Jason removes the machete, throws on some Liquid New Skin, and heads out.

A bit down the road there's a shop closing up for the night. Located on the same property is the owner and his wife's house. In the back there's some clothes hanging on a wire, to which Jason helps himself to. It's a good thing the shop owner had a taste for Dickies, otherwise Jason would probably be terrorizing Camp Crystal Lake in some board shorts and a "Virginia Is For Lovers" t-shirt. Well, the shop owner gets it in the chest with a meat clever, and justifiably so. I mean, the dude was drinking from containers he was selling, RIGHT after eating peanuts, so you know there was crazy amounts of backwash. Soon after, his wife ends up getting it too with a knitting needle.

The next day a new gang arrives at Camp Crystal Lake. I mean, seriously? How does the conversation go with these type of people?

Camper 1: I dunno, I'm thinking maybe we don't go on this camping trip. I mean, last night at the same camp ground a group of counselors were slaughtered, and the guy is loose.

Camper 2: Dude, the entire Camp Crystal Lake area is a mile! I mean, that's a lot of space. The chances of running into him are like, 80%, which means we have a 20% chance of not, and that's worth not losing my $20 deposit. 

Now, our main character, Chris, had a traumatic event happen to her a few years back, as she was attacked by Jason in an attempted murder. Some think Jason may have been trying to arrange romantic going-ons, but I just don't see that happening. You give Jason a bed, he's gonna stab you with it. You give Jason a condom, he's gonna stab you with it. So I think it was just a fumbled attack. Either way, everyone knows about it, so what’s her boyfriend do when she arrives? He jumps out of nowhere, grabs her and starts kissing, then wonders why she starts throwing a fit. I mean, women, amirite? God forbid you jump your girlfriend in an aggressive sexual situation when the most traumatic moment of her life was an attack that was possibly sexual.

Elsewhere, Shelly, the chubby wanna-be-actor with a Jew-fro, and Vira, one of the hot chicks brought along, head to the store in Rick’s Volkswagen, only to get hassled by some biker folk. You know, this is something that is completely missing from movies these days, especially horror movies. The random group of bad guys who parachute into the movie, and fuck with people for no reason other than to give the audience people they can root for to die. Well, Shelly accidentally knocks over their bikes outside with Rick's VW, which doesn't sit well the bikers. So, they follow the two home after they make an escape, and decide it's time to burn down the barn. I mean, it makes sense. They hassled Shelly & Vira for no reason, Shelly & Vira didn't like it, and now they gotta pay! Fox heads in, and Jason gets her with a pitch-fork. Apparently, Rick's parents are hot for BOGO sales, because one of the other bikers gets it with a pitchfork too. Finally, Ali, the guy who was also in the 1985 classic Fright Night, comes in, and he's super pissed about what Jason has done to his friends. So, in order to get revenge, Ali gets hit in the face with a hatchet about 36 times.

Later in the evening, Shelly is digging the mom-butt that Vera is packing, and decides he's gonna turn on the charm. So, he acts real meek, and real pathetic, and asks Vera if she's digging his action. Shockingly, she says no, so of course he has no choice but to call her a bitch. Well, Shelly has one last, fool-proof plan to get Vera digging his vibes. She's sitting at the end of the dock, so he pops out of the lake in a wet-suit with a hockey mask on and a spear gun in his hand. Vera proves she's impervious to advancements, as a chubby guy in a skin-tight outfit pretending to be a murderer does nothing. Geez, Ice Queen. I do love that Shelly is bitter about all this, because I want the deleted scene where his character survives and he talks to his friend a few days later about Vera:

Shelly's Friend: So, how'd it go with that hot chick, Vera?

Shelly: Pssh, man, I did everything I could. First, I juggled.

Shelly's Friend: And that didn't immediately lead to a good time?

Shelly: I KNOW! Right? Well, after that didn't work I asked her if she liked me.

Shelly's Friend: Were you super confident and smooth?

Shelly: Do I look like an idiot? Absolutely not, man. I know what chicks want. I was super meek, and insecure.

Shelly's Friend: And STILL nothing?

Shelly: Tell me about it, brother. I was gonna break out the big guns, but I didn't get the chance.

Shelly's Friend: The big guns? Oh, don't tell me!

Shelly: Yup, asking her if I can kiss her.

Shelly's Friend: Ooohhh! Dude, it would have been ALL over.

Shelly: Yeah, so instead I jumped out of a lake in a skin-tight bodysuit wearing a hockey mask and brandishing a weapon.

Shelly's Friend: You fucking poet. You need to write a dating book.

Turned down yet again, dejected, Shelly heads to the barn, where so many drown their sorrows. Back on the dock, Vera finds Shelly's wallet and picks it up. As she begins snooping through it, it falls in the lake. She ends up getting it just as Shelly shows back up. However, she's quick to realize that it isn't Shelly when the man shoots a harpoon through her eye. Naturally, this is the very first appearance of Jason in the hockey mask. Besides the kill being great, Jason's attitude is awesome. He simply saunters on to the dock like "I was on my elsewhere, but OK, OK, twist my arm, I'll kill you". He does so, drops the weapon like a bag of dirt and walks off.

Back at the cabin, Andy & Debbie are done engaging in relations, so Debbie decides to take a shower. While she does that, Andy starts walking around on his hands, again. Jason is hanging around, and probably would have left Andy alone except he saw that asshole walking on his hands, AGAIN. He probably sat there thinking

Jason: Holy shit, he's doing it again. Great, we all get it, man, you can walk on your damn hands! You're athletic! ARGH! MACHETE TO THE DICK!

And with that, Jason rocks one of the most brutal kills in the entire franchise as he slices Andy from the groin down through the middle and out through the hip. He quickly stashes him above Debbie's hammock, which she notices once the blood starts to drip on her Fangoria magazine. She doesn't get much time to freak out, as Jason reaches up to hold her in place as he drives a knife through her. Boy, you gotta be pretty inattentive to not notice someone hiding under your hammock. After all this, Jason takes care of the two resident stoners. He electrocutes Chuck, and kills Chili with a fire poker that he draws from the fire and stabs in her chest. See, me, I'm the kinda guy who never gives up, so as Jason would be drawing back with that sucker I'd be trying to blow on it to cool it down.

As all this is going on, Chris & Rick are out having a romantic evening and decide to head back. Well, sure enough, the ol' VW doesn't work, so they walk back. Once there, they realize something is off. As Chris sees what's going on inside, Rick tries the outside, and unfortunately for him, all he ends up getting is his head crushed by Jason. The kill looks a bit hokey today, but in a very awesome way. Well, after calling for him for a few minutes, Rick finally shows up as Jason throws him through a giant window. It's at this point that it's on, as Jason proceeds to chase Chris all over the grounds in one of the best cat & mouse scenes in Friday's history. 

From being stabbed in the hand & leg, to getting a ton of books dumped on him, cracked in the skull with a log, smashing a car window with his head, getting nailed with a shovel, and being hung from the rafters, Jason never quits. After she hangs him, she thinks it's all over. However, Jason not only reveals he's alive, but that he's also her mystery date from a few years prior. She begins to freak out, basically giving Jason his chance, when Ali suddenly springs to life. It's pretty damn amazing, considering he took like a million blows to the face with a weapon. Well, he may have blown his last opportunity, but not today. He was apparently taught how to sneak up on someone by a fucking jet engine, because he screams like he's on fire before striking Jason.Well, Ali gets his revenge alright as Jason cuts off Ali's hand and kills him for good. Of course, because he's Jason, he gets tunnel vision and just keeps hacking away. 

This finally gives Chris the chance she's looking for, so she winds up and drives an axe into his skull. Naturally, Jason is a fighter, and gives it a go one last time, only to collapse. Chris, after having just gone through the worst experience of her life, against a man who is seemingly unkillable, decides that instead of calling the police, or leaving, she's just gonna go hang out in a boat. Are you serious? God forbid anything life-threatening happens to anyone around her.

Chris' Father: Chris, help, I'm having a heart attack!

Chris: Oh my goodness! Don't worry, dad, I'm on it! I have my bed all made up, gonna go pop a sleeping pill and take a nap!

Chris' Father: I'm dying!

Chris: Don't worry! I fall asleep fast!

Chris wakes up in the boat, and sees Jason has come back to life. He rushes to the lake, only to vanish. They then pay homage to the original by having Jason’s mother leap out of the lake and drag Chris down. It’s a pretty sweet visual, and not one you’d expect. But, like the first, it’s just a dream.

All in all, part 3 is pretty good. The characters aren’t that interesting, to be honest, and are VERY stock for an 80′s horror film. Jason has some rad kills here, but isn’t as menacing as he is in others, except for the 3rd act, where the film really shines. The 3D effect is pretty awesome, to be honest. I was using a DVD, on a blu-ray player and an HD TV. The gags, where something comes at the screen weren’t that great. The images would ghost, and be a bit out of focus, but everything else was awesome. It truly felt like I was looking out a window. The environments were rich, and deep looking.

The Official Slasher-Movie Encyclopedia Tally:

Killed: 12

Swear: 12

Boobs: 2

Slo-Mo: 0

Foot Chase: 1

Fake Out Scares: 8

Car Stall: 1

Drugs/Drinking/Sex: 2

Warned But No Belief?: Yeap, with an eye-ball to boot.

TOP 3 KILLS

3 - MOST USELESS BOYFRIEND EVER - Seriously, the whole film we've got this country-boy, Rick, who's a pretty built dude, and you think he's gonna be some sorta match for Jason. However, within seconds of meeting Jason he's up shit's creek as Big J has his head in a vice grip. He soon crushes Rick's skull, causing the eye-ball to pop forward at the screen. Who couldn't love that?

2 - HE CAN DO A HANDSTAND, NOW THE SPLITS - Granted, you don't see much of the kill here, but what we do see, along with our imaginations make for one of the most brutal kills ever. Poor Andy gets it right down the middle. It's a great shot too because they filmed it while the actors were on a risen floor made of plastic so they could shoot from underneath, allowing blood & bodyparts to fall at the viewer.

1 - IN YOUR FACE. LITERALLY - One of the series most iconic kills for a number of reasons. First of all, it's classic Friday The 13th as Jason takes a dangerous, but not all-too-common weapon and shoots it into Vera's eye, in 3D no less. It also happens to be the first kill Jason makes on screen after he obtains the hockey mask. Plus, it went right into her eye, in 3D!

Box-Office Business:

Released by Paramount on Friday The 13th, August, 1982 on a budget of $2.5 million. It opened up at #1 to 1,079 theaters, with a weekend total of $9,406,522 and a theater average of $8,717, knocking ET out of the number 1 spot. It ended up with a domestic total of $36,690,067

Things You Need To Know In Order To Survive:

The film was first released August, Friday the 13th, 1982. It was then re-released May, Friday The 13th, 1983. Pretty smart move if you ask me, as it could have only done well.

Not counting the flash-backs from part 2, the name Jason is never mentioned in this film.

Larry Zerner, who plays Shelly, was handing out fliers for a horror film when the producers spotted him and offered him an audition for Friday 3.

The house, barn, and lake were all built for the movie. None of it was pre-existing.

When Rick & Chris leave the cabin, you can see the film crew in the passenger window of the Volkswagen.

Paul Kratka, who plays Rick, originally auditioned for the role of Andy, but I guess he seemed more like the type to beg a traumatized rape victim for constant sex.

This one isn’t talked about a lot, other than the whole 3d aspect. I think it’s a bit deserved, as I said, the first half of the film is kinda boring. There isn’t much of Jason, and he’s just hanging out in his bachelor pad. Once it gets dark though, and he gets his mask, we’re off to the races. Still, at the end of the day, a good entry, and a great reason why Jason was such a big deal in the 80′s.

All in all, part 3 is pretty good. The characters aren’t that interesting, to be honest, and are VERY stock for an 80′s horror film. Jason has some rad kills here, but isn’t as menacing as he is in others, except for the 3rd act, where the film really shines. The 3D effect is pretty awesome, to be honest. I was using a DVD, on a blu-ray player and an HD TV. The gags, where something comes at the screen weren’t that great. The images would ghost, and be a bit out of focus, but everything else was great. It truly felt like I was looking out a window. The environments were rich, and deep looking. There isn’t much of Jason, and he’s just hanging out in his bachelor pad. Once it gets dark though, and he gets his mask, we’re off to the races. Still, at the end of the day, a good entry, and a great reason why Jason was such a big deal in the 80′s.

Final Rating:

4 Head-Butts out of 5

Email & Twitter: caliberw@hotmail.com, @CaliberWinfield 

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