Disqus for Friday The 13th: The Film Franchise




The Slasher Movie Encyclopedia: Jason Goes To Hell

We open up with a car arriving in Crystal Lake, and a woman getting out. She sets up a cabin, and promptly hops in the shower. At this point we discover she appears to be wearing a wig that's made out of shag carpet, and that she has a very long butt. Seriously, it looks like it starts at the base of her neck. The lights go out, and she decides to investigate while wearing a towel. Everything seems fin---OH SNAPS IT'S JASON! He comes tearing out of the dark and just barely hits her with his machete. She takes off like a shot in the woods with Jason in hot pursuit. But she's a liar! She's no camper, she's a cop! Ducking out of the way as a flood of lights come on and highlight Jason as he stands in a clearing, the SWAT team opens fire, ending with a missile of some sort that blows Jason to pieces. I have to say, Jason has a great look here with one exception; his shirt is tucked in. Really? A guy with a hockey mask growing into his head is gonna tuck his shirt in? He's a supernatural killer, not a manager at Costco.

They take his parts back to the morgue, and in one of the gnarliest scenes in the franchise's history, the coroner is unable to resist Jason’s appetizing heart and gorges on it. The effects company did a great job here, as this scene made me sick to my stomach when I was a kid and it's stuck with me my entire life. Naturally, because he ate the heart, this means Jason's soul will now inhabit his body. However, in the reflection of a mirror or any other reflective surface, we see the real Jason. Wouldn’t that be obnoxious, if you went shopping for new clothes and tried to see how they looked? “Oh, great. My new suit looks like a shirt and pair of pants that are torn to shit and covered in blood. Oh, and Steve, not cool writing “I Like Penis” on my forehead when I slept. You know I can't see that shit.” Anyway, Jason's first act in the new body is to kill the other coroner and the SWAT members acting as security, which is why ever since seeing this film I never tell a coroner where I want to take a crap, lest it might offend him, and I'm smarter than that.

We then cut to a TV show, which at the time was reflective of trash-news programs like A Current Affair and Hard Copy. Here we learn of Creighton Duke, a man we've never heard of before who knows absolutely everything about Jason Voorhees. He tells us that Jason jumps from body to body when he needs to, and that only he knows how to kill him. He also knows all the secrets to pro-wrestling and soon will be breaking the Magician's Code!

We now meet Steve, a resident of Crystal Lake, where people are celebrating the death of Jason with huge fanfare. He's in love with Jason's niece, Jessica Kimble, and also has a baby with her. Jessica's mother, Diana, is Jason's half-sister, and is the direct target of Jason's warpath. Because normal human bodies don't hold up, and he needs a female Voorhees body to get back to his old self. Yes, we went from a guy running around with a sack on his head, killing people, to that last sentence.

Steve heads out, and on his way picks up a few hitchhikers, two girls and a guy. He drops them off at Camp Crystal Lake, since they want to celebrate Jason's death by doing all the things that piss him off. Sure enough though, Jason's spider-sense goes off, and he detects two things: A] Boobies and B] People having fun. Possibly with boobies. These things really chap his hide, so he hops on the good foot and gets to the killing. One of the girls is merely cut up, but the other one gets arguably the greatest death in the entire series. While in mid-coitus with her boyfriend, she's sitting on top of him, and TADOW. She gets a massive spike shoved through her, at which point Jason pulls upward, ripping her in two. It looks incredible. Now, as the boyfriend, I immediately think “Hey, technically I can say I've had a threesome now” followed promptly by “Ah, crap”.

The coroner’s body is wearing thin, so he kidnaps a cop and promptly makes the switch. However, before he does so, he feels the need to shave the guy. I don’t know, if I'm a supernatural killer demon, and the body I'm using is about to burn away, the last thing I'm worried about is whisker burn. Anyhoo, now that he has a body Diana trusts, he can get close. He makes his way over, and just before he can slip her the demon tongue, Steve shows up and totally swap-blocks Jason. They do battle, but in the midst of it all, Jason gets a lucky shot in when he throws a kitchen utensil into Diana's back. As Steve tries to offer comfort in her dying moments, her boyfriend, the Sheriff shows up and Steve is literally caught red-handed. While in prison, he meets the Duke, who teaches him all he knows about Jason, for a price of course. The price being finger breaking. This would piss me the hell off. Like, dude, can't I just cut you a check for $20 or something? I'd poke that guy right in his fucking eye if he did something like that.

Well, Steve is now motivated by his new learnings, and is out to protect Jessica. Hell, I would to! I mean, you had to break your fingers for her! She should at least cook you a steak and then clean the gutters in return or something. So, he breaks out and is off to the “Vorhees” house, nice touch New Line. Once he arrives, he digs around the place for a minute, stumbling upon The Book of the Dead, which I thought was pretty genius of the director for doing, before having to duck into a closet when he hears a voice. It turns out it belongs to Robert Campbell, the evil TV host and boyfriend to Jessica. After discussing his evil plans with a show producer, which included his story about taking Jessica's mother's body from the morgue and stashing it in the house, he's promptly ambushed by Jason who's in need of a new body. Fortunately, Rob is kissibly smooth, so no need for a shave. I tell you, if the Duke had told me about Jason's distaste of facial hair, I would have promptly shaved my entire body and glued all the hair to my face. Anyway, now that he has a fresh pair of duds, he's after Jessica. Of course, her Mr-Rich-and-Good-Job-Boyfriend tries to kill her, which prompts her Nice-Guy-Lets-Friend-Zone-Him-Ex-Boyfriend to make the save, and what's she do? Freak out, punch and kick the ex, and throw him out of a car. Well of course. They all end up back at the police station, where Steve is proven right, as Rob comes in and gives pretty much everyone a Ryu-Down-Forward-+-HP HADUKEN to the face. He even does the old-school-1980s-pro-wrestling-double-noggin-knocker so hard it crushes the dudes' faces. Awesome.Jessica finally believes Steve, who is a better man than me atthis point. I'd be a complete ass “Oh, REALLY? Now you believe me? When did youget the clue? Was it when the guy I ran over came in and killed people with his bare-hands? Or how about when I shot him in the head and he basically wagged his finger at me? Are you SURE I'm telling the truth now? Perhaps you wanna throw me out of the car again?“ And then I'd do that thing where I start getting out of the car “What? No? You don't want to throw me out of the car? You sure?” So, they head to the diner where Jessica has left her baby, there's a bit of resistance, but that all goes out the window when Jason arrives and wreaks total fucking havoc. He snaps a guy's wrist clean in half, like he's Lincoln Hawk or something, dunks a guy in a deep-fryer, and elbows a chick in the face so hard her jaw caves in. It's fantastic.

Steve and Jessica find out that The Duke has the baby, and meet him at Stately Voorhees Manor. Soon, Jason shows up and is promptly reborn via Diane's dead body. Again, I'm beating a dead-horse here, but c'mon. He's a reborn supernatural killer, and his shirt is STILL tucked into his pants! Anyway, he's back to kicking ass and promptly does so; that is, until Jessica stabs him with the Super Deluxe Dagger. Man, I tell you, when this is all said and done, I would dump Jessica in spectacular fashion. Like, I would take her to a basketball game, and set up this big, elaborate deal, to make her think I'm gonna pop the question, then tell her to get bent. First she won't let the guy see his kid, then he gets his fingers busted to save her, then she throws him out of a car, and finally he gets his ass kicked by Jason, fighting him with rakes and playground equipment, and she just shows up and stabs him! Bah!

Well, Jason finally dies, and is sent to hell in a pretty cool scene. Then of course we get what is arguably the greatest ending to a film ever, as Freddy's claw pops up and takes Jason's mask down to hell.

Slasher Movie Tally:

People Killed: 13

Swear Words: 53

Boobies: 6

Slow Motion Scenes: 26

Chases on Foot: 1

Fake-Out Scares: 2

Car Stalling: 0

Drugs/Drinking/Sex: Instances of all 3

Warned But Didn't Believe: Yup, by The Duker

Top 3 Deaths:

Two Is A Party But Three Is A Freaking Bloody Mess:
Arguably the best kill in the series, Jason, in the guise of the coroner, sticks the fence spike into a chick's mid-section and literally rips her in two. Something everyone remembers.

See What's On Her Mind:
When Jason takes over Robert's body, he does quite a lot of damage. One of my favorites is when one of Jessica's battle-worthy friends tries to take him out with a steel rod. She impales him, at which point he returns the favor, and then puts the icing on top; squeezing her skull so hard that her brains spout from the top.

Shut It:
Another fantastic death that takes place in the diner is when the loud-mouthed owner catches a roaring elbow from Jason and it shoves her jaw into the middle of her skull. It's a brilliant kill, and looks fantastic.

Things You Need To Know In Order To Survive:

Tobe Hooper was considered as a choice for director, as was action-classic creator, John McTiernan. However, he decided to go with Last Action Hero instead. I would have really liked to see his take on JGTH, as he's one of my favorite directors, and Last Action Hero is rather terrible.

John D. Lemay, who plays Steve, is the only person to have ever starred in both the Friday The 13th TV series, and a film.

At one point The Duke says to Jason “Son of a bitch, you remember me?” which made some sense, as you'd assume Jason knew about this bounty hunter. However, in the original script, it was revealed that Jason had killed Duke's girlfriend, thus setting him on his path.

Kane was a busy bee during this film, playing three roles: Jason, the security guard, and Freddy's arm.

There's a comic book that bridges the films of part 8 and 9, explaining how Jason got back to Crystal Lake, and why the FBI has a task force designed just for him.

The heart that the coroner eats was made of gelatin and filled with fruit cocktail. When it's busy not being eaten, the actual prop heart was also seen in From Dusk Till Dawn, when it's ripped from the big vampire's chest.

The assistant coroner, who likes to aim for things when he's having a bowel movement, and also gets his skull crushed with a probe, is actually one of the screenwriters.

Box-Office Business:

Released by New Line Cinemas on Aug. 13, 1993 to 1,355 theaters on a budget of $3 million. Jason Goes To Hell debuted at #2 for the weekend, with a total of $7,552,190 and averaging $5,573 per theater. At the end of its 2-week run, the film brought in a grand domestic total of $15,935,068

Final Rating:

The term “black sheep” was practically created for the film Jason Goes To Hell. A New Beginning has its detractors, but they'll admit it has some merit. But those who hate Jason Goes To Hell? They HATE Jason Goes To Hell. They're almost violent in their distaste of the film, and to be honest, they have a lot of valid reasons. You could easily look at this film as a slap in the face to all the fans of the Friday series, a film that was only made to cash in on the success of Freddy's Dead from a guy who never respected the Friday series to begin with, despite helping to create it. Sean Cunningham created the first one with the only intention to make money, when it became a success, he balked at the following sequels, and pretty much wanted nothing to do with it. Then when it came to this film, his only request of director/writer Adam Marcus was to “get rid of that damn hockey mask”. Something that completely screwed this film's chances of ever making money. Do you get rid of Freddy's glove? Do you get rid of Leatherface's chainsaw? Do you get rid of the zombies in Romero's dead films? No, you don't, because it'd be a slap in the face to the series and its fans. I can understand the intentions, to try something new, but with the film that's supposed to be the last? No, that makes absolutely no sense, and is flat out stupid. Beyond that there's things like blatantly ignoring the ending of the last film, Jason making audible noise, mispelling the last name on the mailbox of the house, the inclusion of The Duke and his sudden vast knowledge, as well as Jason body-hoping. These reasons are why a good portion of the Friday fans hate this film, and to be honest, I can't blame them.

However, I think the film is a blast. Would I like to see Jason as Jason more, sure? However, it's fun to see his facial expressions during some of the kills, seeing into his mind at times. The Duke character, although ridiculous in how he just parachuted into the franchise like he'd been here since day one, is a lot of fun. The main character of Steve is very likeable, and the cast at the diner is great too. JGTH packs in a lot of action, and features some fantastic effects that bring to life a ton of great kills. I really dig the score too, something that really helped the title sequence become one of the most memorable of the series.
So all in all, I completely understand why a good portion of the fans hate it, but I think it's a damn worthwhile inclusion, and a lot of fun. Despite his shirt being tucked into his pants.

4 Head-Butts out of 5

This one comes from Alex:
"hey cal. just curious what you think about the new Friday film being found footage."

Ooh, I think a lot of things. It's absolute nonsense, honestly. There have been a few found-footage films that have done it right, but honestly, it needs to stop. Films where the cameras are set up, like Paranormal Activity and such, they work. But things like End of Watch? No. Because it takes you so out of the film when there's a shot that doesn't make sense, or you think "OK, that person just happened to be filming alone in her house when the person who was filming came to her house so we have both shots?". I hate it. Now we're gonna do that crap with Friday The 13th? I'm sorry, but I don't see Jason Voorhees allowing someone to film him with an iPhone.  

Much appreciation to Jason for allowing me to write for the website, and all the supremely great fans of both the franchise & the website. Really, thank you guys. I always dig hearing from you.

If you guys ever want to talk shop, or have an email featured here, just hit me up at caliberw@hotmail.com. If I get enough emails, I'll start doing a weekly mail-bag feature. If you guys like, we can talk about the whole spectrum of horror, provided our awesome landlord is cool with it. For further material of mine, head on over to Str8 Gangster, No Chaser and get wind of all my current updates at Caliber's Facebook

I'd like to thank my editor Steven Ferrari for helping me seem far more professional than I really am.

See you guys next time.

- Caliber Winfield
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